A Tale of Woe For Tuesday

I own a mini-van. I realize I could stop this post right here.

I mean, really, who wants to drive a mini-van? Even as a young girl, I found them hideous and unsightly. And now, I drive one. Piteous, isn't it?

Alas, I have children. They cannot drive. Therefore, I am forced to act as their chauffeur. Which explains why I own said damnable mini-van. Having a family means you have to have a family roadster.

I am in the market to trade in this family roadster and move up to a mid-sized SUV with seating for 8. Think GMC Acadia or Honda Pilot.

And, I would already have one if:

(1) At exactly the moment the odometer on my mini-van clicked over to 100,000 miles, the transmission promptly chose to stop working, forcing us to purchase and have installed a $2,200 rebuilt transmission that - GET THIS! - is only warrantied for another 24,000 miles.

Thank you, sir, I'll have another...

(2) Inexplicably, while driving to Rotary the other day with a very nice man in my car who I was innocently taking there as my guest, the Antilock Braking System (ABS) decides to fry out and I barely get the damn thing stopped as I skid to a stop at a yellow light. I don't know who was more mortified - him or me, as we both watched our collective lives flash before our eyes. This man almost died for a slice of slimy lasagna!

Oh, it gets EVEN BETTER...

(3) I explain to my Dear Husband that the van brakes are kaput over dinner the next night. The poor man wants to go out right then and drive the hunk of junk just to replicate the soul-snatching experience of skidding through intersections that I experienced just the day before. We promptly drop the car off at Robertson's Tire, where they diagnose the wheel bearings as being shot. Apparently, the ABS system is attached to the wheel bearings in Chevrolet Uplander mini-vans. There's some information you'll need for your next round of Trivial Pursuit!

A mere $275 later, I have my car back in time for the weekend.

(4) On Saturday, while on a trip to Tulsa to return some jeans that didn't fit my growing corn-fed son, the "Service ABS System" light returns to mock me with its red glowing eyes. This morning, on the way to school, I barely get the thing stopped as the brakes slip yet again!

Dear God in Heaven, who loves me, and Whom I love dearly, I just want to trade this car in. I would prefer not to tow it to the dealership, as it does not help the trade-in value when one does that. Plus, I really don't look any better riding in a tow truck than I do riding in this steel gray rattletrap that is hell-bent to take my life with its brake slippage. All this to say, I NEED A NEW CAR NOW!

Hugs and kisses with sugar on top,

ClareMom