One day last school year, Jared arrived home and promptly announced to both his father and I that he is not one of the "cool" kids. Last night, as we were working together on his homework, he said it again.
Why is it that my heart breaks when I hear this? Is it that I worry about my son feeling "less than" because he doesn't fit in?
Once upon a time, I was a middle-schooler like Jared. People who were cool at my school were preppy, Izod-wearing conformists; scary mohawk-wearing skateboarders; mammoth football-playing jocks; and knife-wielding hoodlums who smoked cigarettes at the bus stop.
I was a good girl who enjoyed reading and learning. I was not cool, either. And, I remember feeling really bad about it, like I ought to shake things up and show up to school dressed like Sandy did in the final scenes of "Grease," or bring a flask to school, or go out for the volleyball team. Except that if I did those things, it would be play-acting, because none of those things were really me. I would feel like an inauthentic idiot and somebody would notice me and single me out for torture.
I suspect that the "cool rules" have changed very little in 30 years. I don't want my son to be a conformist. I don't want him to be a non-conformist. I just want him to be who God created him to be and to be unapologetic about it.
I realize what this is. It's the human struggle to find a "pecking order." To put people into their places. What I realize now, that I didn't realize back in the day, is that the children learn this stuff at home, from their parents, who are living vicariously through their children...desperate to eke out their own place in society and willing to hitch a ride on the backs of their progeny. It's the reason we have homecoming queens, valedictorians, and big men on campus.
I don't really care if Jared is considered "cool" by his peers. He's very cool in my book. Jared is: (a) kind, (b) compassionate, (c) smart, (d) talented, (e) funny, (f) beautiful. I could go on for days.
I've decided that I'm going to text him each day something I think is cool about him.
Today's installment: "You say you aren't one of the 'cool' kids. I say you're very cool. Wanna know why? You love the OSU Cowboys, even when they don't win. I love you, son!"
