Mom Letter Number One To My Children

Dear Jared and Jade:

Very often, I feel like Charlie Brown's teacher in the cartoon "Peanuts."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ss2hULhXf04

Mwah mwah mwah mwah waaaahhhh...

I know you don't hear me half of the time. I know you fall asleep like Peppermint Patty because I see the glazed look in your eyes. I know I bore you stiff with my constant yammering. I've tried to be interesting, scintillating even. I've yelled and screamed to get your attention. I've shed tears, stormed off, and pouted. I just want a minute of your time.

This is my latest project...Mom Letters. My hope is that one day, you will find a kernel of knowledge in these pages. Maybe it will be easier to read it than to hear it over and over again. This is my prayer.

The topic of today's letter is People You Will Meet In Your Life. There are so many interesting and unusual people in the world. It's like a huge sociology experiment! I enjoy watching people. Especially at the Tulsa State Fair. Seriously. Grab a corn dog (funnel cake for Jared) and a lemonade and just watch the humanity as it strolls by. Fascinating!

There are also mean people in the world who don't care one bit about you. You've probably already met a few of them. These folks see you walking through this world so happy and carefree, they just can't resist stretching out a foot to trip you.

Get back up. Dust yourself off and just keep going with a smile on your face. Remember the Japanese proverb, "Fall down 7 times, get back up 8."

You will meet Critical Chris. You can always rely on this person to find something wrong about you. Critical Chris laughs about how fat or skinny you are, or how tall or short you are. If you fall down or accidentally sneeze out a booger, Chris will be there to laugh hysterically. Before you know it, half the school will know. Often, Critical Chris will say something derogatory about your clothes, especially if your clothing isn't from Abercrombie and Fitch. When I was a kid, it was Izod, and I remember wanting an Izod shirt so badly. When I did get one, it didn't make me feel any better about myself. It was just a regular polo shirt with a creepy green alligator patch sewn onto it. It wasn't any better than any of the other shirts I had. Critical Chris feels so badly about himself that he has to make you feel bad, too. But don't let him steal your joy...not for one second. Critical Chris's are miserable bullies who have nothing better to do than torment people. And as Sweet Brown, one of my favorite Oklahoma philosophers says, "Ain't nobody got time for that!"

You will meet Popular Penelope. This person is the Queen Bee of the school, the most popular girl. Her blonde hair and blue eyes instantly get everyone's attention. Popular Penelope travels around in a pack with other girls who want to be just like her. You may find Popular Penelope attractive. Everyone does. Everyone wants to be her friend. The only problem is, you have to try to be something you're not to get close to her. Watch the movie "Mean Girls." That girl Regina George...she's Penelope. There's a reason why all of the kids in the school call her and her friends "The Plastics." When you get older, you'll understand that all of Penelope's nonsense is an effort to set up a pecking order. It's a really sad leftover from our vestigial brains and makes us no better than animals fighting for survival on the Serengeti. Don't worry if you get labelled a nerd, an outcast, or something else. When you go back to your 10-year high school reunion, you'll find that the people who thought they were hot in high school aren't any more and the people who were loners and outcasts have turned out great and have done some very interesting things. You'll be one of them, I just know it!

You will meet Stewart Screw-Up. Unfortunately, Stewart Screw-Up is robbing a village somewhere of it's idiot. Stewart's main goal in life is to PAR-TAY and he'll snort, drink, or swallow anything he can to get a nice buzz going. Stewart doesn't care about school because he's far too busy having a good time. He's living in the moment. Goals? "What are those?" Stewart will ask you. I am sorry to report that I dated more than my fair share of Stewart's. They are fun to be around, no doubt about it. Like me, you'll even want to "save" a Stewart or two. But Stewart Screw-Up has to figure this journey out on his own. Unfortunately, he often has to slide further down the drain before he "gets it." Don't go down with him.

There are also nice people. You will meet Quinton The Quiet Guy. Everybody ignores poor Quinton. He's not the first person you notice when you walk in the room. He's not like Penelope and Stewart. He's more chameleon-like...he blends into the wallpaper. He's usually very smart and interesting, but nobody's taken the time to figure it out yet. Take the time to get to know Quinton. You'll have to speak first, because he won't take the initiative. He's too shy for that. You'll be surprised to know what you and Quinton have in common and you'll likely have a friend for life. Everyone deserves to be noticed and heard.

Then there's Tess the Terrific Teacher. Tess loves a curious mind. She will challenge you, make you work hard, test the limits of what you think you can do, and encourage you to reach for the stars. You may despise Tess at first. You may be tempted to leave her class and go to a classroom where the teacher doesn't expect that much. Tess is every good student's friend. She loves to help children learn new things. God places teachers like Tess in our lives for a reason. I've had several Tess's in my life. The way to know you have Tess for a teacher is to listen to her words. If she speaks words of praise and encouragement over you and makes you believe in yourself, you've found your Tess. Hold on dearly to her. She is helping you to grow.

There are so many more people I want to introduce you to, but I'll save those for another letter. Before I close, I want you both to know how much I love you. That will never change. I am your biggest fan!

Love,

Mom

Confession (and Taco Salad): Good For The Soul

A confession is in order before I share this recipe. I fully supported the Women’s Liberation Movement and even though I never marched or burned my bra, I believed deep in my heart that I could have it all.

Today, as I sit at the acme of what can only be described as a towering achievement – life as a nonprofit executive director, wife of one, mother of two amazing children, loyal friend to many and community volunteer – I must admit that I am dead-tired most of the time.

I have come to the conclusion that I, myself, need a wife – not in the conventional sense of the word, but more like a live-in assistant, housekeeper, organizer, chauffer, and cheerleader. Basically, I just need another me. Has there been any headway in cloning technology?

If I had a dollar for every time someone has said to me, “I don’t know how you do it all,” I would be a very rich woman indeed. When someone says that to me, I’m not quite sure if I’m doing it all so well that it appears effortless or if the person feels really sorry for me and this is an offer of help.

I recently ventured halfway around the world on a fabulous trip to India, leaving my dear husband and mother-in-law in charge of this empire I’ve built. Faced with the possibility of a jet crash or death by stampeding elephants, I felt honor-bound to show Mr. Henderson just exactly how his dynamo of a wife keeps this well-oiled machine running on a daily basis. Suffice it to say that I am extraordinarily organized. I’m also a huge fan of black coffee, lists, my trusty label maker, working lunches, and under-eye concealer, which I lovingly refer to as “spackling.”

As I was walking out the door, I showed him my arsenal of 50+ recipes (encased in plastic page protectors) that I rotate around each month to feed our family. He was mightily impressed. Among those recipes are several easy weeknight meals that can be thrown together in a snap: breakfast for dinner; reuben sandwiches; fried rice; and spaghetti with meat sauce.

Our family doesn’t eat out much. Not only is it expensive, but often the food just isn’t as good as something homemade. Don’t even get me started on the portions and calories of restaurant food!

Today’s recipe is a family favorite and can even be spruced up for company. We refer to this concoction as “Taco Salad Night,” “Super Nachos,” or “Taco Pile-On.” You can choose whichever title you like best to describe it.

To make it, you’ll need:

1 lb. lean hamburger meat

1 package Williams Taco Seasoning Mix

1 8 oz. can tomato sauce

1 15 oz. can Ranch-style beans (optional – my kids HATE beans – they are aliens from another planet)

1 bag corn tortilla chips or Fritos corn chips

4 cups shredded cheese (a mix of cheddar and jack cheeses is really nice)

4 cups green leaf lettuce, washed and torn into bite-size pieces

5 scallions, sliced thinly

2 tomatoes, chopped

1 avocado, diced into chunks

8 oz. sour cream

Salsa or taco sauce, to taste

Brown the hamburger and drain any excess oil. Add taco seasoning, tomato sauce, and beans to the pan. Heat through on low heat. Meanwhile, open the bag of nachos. Place shredded cheeses in a bowl. Shred lettuce and place in a bowl. Chop scallions and place in a bowl. Chop tomatoes and place in a bowl. Dice avocado and place in a bowl. Open sour cream and salsa or taco sauce. Place all items on the table and let your family build their own. You can also add jalapenos, French dressing, or any other toppings you enjoy. Leftover chili is also great as a replacement for the taco meat. It’s a very versatile recipe.

Sometimes, I will double or triple the meat recipe and freeze it down for another night. There is a fair amount of clean-up involved because of all the bowls. In moments of supreme laziness, I will sometimes arrange everything on a large tray for extra-easy clean-up. I also wear my leopard-print pajamas while cooking so that I can go right to bed afterwards.

This is how I roll.

Appetizers, Anyone??

I love to entertain. To me, there's really no sound sweeter than the chime of the doorbell and the pitter-patter of footsteps coming in the door. So, it will be no surprise to you that the holidays are my favorite time of year.

When people come to our home, I want them to immediately feel comfortable. I love it when people take off their shoes, help themselves to a drink, and curl up in a chair or on the couch. And, when they stay all day or half of the night, I know the party has been a success. There's no rushing people out the door around here.

It never fails that guests show up to my house hungry. I've learned that the best plan is to have two or three starters for my guests to munch on while they're waiting for the main event. These snack options can range from store-bought potato chips to sliced kielbasa to a cheese board. I am particularly happy that Reasor's and Wal-Mart have added gourmet cheese cabinets to their deli areas. Walke Brothers also has a nice selection of cheeses and meats. These items make party planning a snap.

When I really want to impress my guests, I make two or three appetizers that have six ingredients or less, but pack a flavor wallop. Here are three options that are always gobbled up in a flash:

HOT BAR NUTS

This recipe is based on one I found in an Ina Garten cookbook and it is one of my husband's favorites. To make it, you will need:

1 lb. lightly salted cashews

2 tablespoons minced fresh rosemary leaves

1/2 teaspoon ground red pepper (cayenne)

2 teaspoons golden brown sugar

1 tablespoon unsalted butter, melted

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Spread the cashews out on a cookie sheet. Toast them just until they are warm, about 5 minutes. Do not burn them! In a large bowl, combine the rosemary, ground red pepper, brown sugar, and butter. Add the warm cashews to the mixture and toss to coat. Serve them warm with beer or mixed drinks, although we like them just fine when they're cold, as well. They're crunchy, salty, sweet, and give you just a small kick of heat. Here's what the finished product looks like and I serve it in an antique crystal bowl like this one:

HOT BACON AND SWISS DIP

If I have a large crowd coming, I usually double this recipe and keep it warm on low in a crock pot, which is how it got the name "Crock-Pot Crack." Serve it with Ritz crackers, Fritos corn chips, or pieces of cubed French bread. To make it, you will need:

1 (8 ounce) brick of cream cheese (I use the 1/3 less fat kind, 'cause it makes me feel better about myself!)

1/2 c. mayonnaise

1 c. Swiss cheese (or more...my philosophy is that there's never enough cheese in anything!)

5 green onions sliced, including some of the tops for color

8 slices of bacon, cooked and crumbled (or more...I have the same philosophy about bacon that I do about cheese!)

1/2 sleeve of Ritz crackers, crushed

Preheat your oven to 350 degrees. Soften the cream cheese in a bowl. Add the mayonnaise, Swiss cheese, and green onions. Mix well. Place in a baking dish you've sprayed with a little nonstick spray and smooth it out. Top with the bacon and cracker crumbs. Bake until bubbly. Serve immediately. Here's what the finished product looks like and I've put mine in a bowl from The Pottery Cottage. They have gorgeous serving pieces, by the way:

CANDIED BACON

I got the inspiration for this dish after visiting Summerside Winery in Vinita for lunch one day. They serve something similar with peppered bacon and an apple vinaigrette, but I like my version even better. My son, Jared, calls it Candied Bacon and the name has stuck. But if you'd prefer, you can call them Bacon-Wrapped Dates. To make it, you will need:

8 slices of thick-cut hickory-smoked bacon (notice the bacon theme??)

16 pitted dates (you can find these on the cereal aisle at Reasor's)

16 toothpicks

1 cup sour cream

1 tablespoon or more of milk

A sprinkling of parsley flakes (optional)

1/4 cup Raspberry Blush Vinegar

Preheat your oven to 350 degrees. Cut the bacon in half so that you have 16 half pieces. Take dates and wrap them up in the bacon and secure with a toothpick. Place bacon-wrapped dates on a baking sheet sprayed with a little cooking spray. Bake until the bacon is done and slightly crisp. Drain bacon-wrapped dates on a paper towel. Meanwhile, stir together the cup of sour cream with some milk to thin it slightly. Spread this mixture in the bottom of a serving platter. Sprinkle with parsley flakes. Place bacon-wrapped dates in the sour cream. Serve with a small bowl of raspberry blush vinegar. Guest pick up the candied bacon and dip it in the vinegar and eat. Have a plate nearby to collect used toothpicks. Here's what the finished product looks like:

There you have it - three quick, easy, and very tasty options to serve your guests as they wait for a holiday meal.

Don't forget the Henderson Family Rule: "If you didn't get enough to eat while you were here, you didn't try hard enough!"

Spring Has Sprung...Let's Have Lemonade Poke Cake

It hardly seems we had a winter in northeastern Oklahoma this year. Not that I mind. Winter isn’t my favorite time of year. Who can forget Snowmageddon 2011? I love a good snow day just as much as the next person, but 20 inches of drifting snow bordered on the ridiculous.

In honor of this early spring, which seems to have been going on since January, I’m sharing a recipe my mother used to make that’s still a favorite in our family: Lemonade Poke Cake. When I see the daffodils in bloom, I’m reminded of this fresh and sweet yellow cake that’s so easy anyone can make it.

My father adores anything lemon. When I was little, Daddy would take everyone’s iced tea lemon wedge and eat it like a slice of orange. My pucker reflex would engage just watching him chew the tart lemon flesh away from the peel.

Momma, of course, knew that this cake was Daddy’s favorite and she made it often. I don’t remember if Momma got this recipe from somebody or just made it up herself, but knowing her, it was the latter. She was so very clever that way.

Last year I made a trip to the State Capital and I took pieces of this cake to our area legislators. They do such a good job that I thought they all needed a little slice of home. One of them called me later that evening to thank me and told me it was the best cake he’d ever eaten. He will be getting another cake this year.

To make Lemonade Poke Cake, you’ll need the following ingredients:

1 lemon cake mix (any brand will do, but I’m fond of Pillsbury and it’s usually on sale)

3 eggs

1 c. water

1/3 c. canola oil

½ can lemonade concentrate, thawed and undiluted

2 c. powdered sugar (eyeball it)

Make the cake according to the package directions. If you’re using the Pillsbury cake mix, you will use the three eggs, cup of water, and third cup of canola oil in the ingredients list. Bake in a 9x13-inch baking pan as directed on the package.

Once you’ve removed the finished cake from the oven, poke holes all over the cake down to the bottom of the pan. I use a metal skewer for this task. Don’t be skimpy in poking the holes, because you’re going to pour a scrumptious glaze over the top very soon.

After you’ve poked the cake all over, whisk together the ½ can of lemonade concentrate and approximately two cups of powdered sugar. If there are lumps of powdered sugar in the glaze, allow it to sit for a little bit and whisk again. Pour the glaze over the top of the cake.

When you pour the glaze over the cake, it will seep down into the holes and form a slight glaze on top of the cake. Allow to cool completely and serve. This cake is very rich, so you should be able to serve 15 people very comfortably. It also makes cute little petit-fours if cut up into smaller pieces.

Thank you, Momma, for yet another yummy-licious recipe. You were the best cook EVER!

Fried Cabbage and My Gram

Growing up, I was surrounded by amazingly strong women. They were proper ladies with good manners when the occasion called for it, but behind closed doors they let their hair down and became wild and crazy chicks who knew how to throw a party. They are also some of the best damn cooks on the face of the planet.

One of these women was my Gram, Ruth Darlene. Gram never went into town unless she got "cleaned up." She was a card shark, too. She'd play me at Jubal, wouldn't even let me win, and without repentance took all of my money. Her laugh was big, deep, and contagious and she could belch loud enough to be heard in about five surrounding counties. I tried to belch like her once and about tossed up my cookies.

This is Gram (seated in the black dress) with her five sisters: Melba, Patsy, Isabelle, Shirley, and Alma. Only Aunt Isabelle and Aunt Melba are still with us. (I forgot to mention Uncle Tommy - the youngest boy - in my original post. Sorry, Uncle Tommy! I think he's about the same age as my Momma, so he very well may not have been born yet when this picture was taken. With seven children, their children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren, cousins, and so forth...well, you can imagine how loud it is at our family reunions! It's a good kind of loud, though.)

My Gram was one of the smartest women I knew. When my Mom and Dad would drop us kids off to spend the weekend at Gram and Pop's, Gram would stand at her picture window in the kitchen to make sure my parents were good and gone, then she'd make three peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and fill three small jelly jars half full of beer. We kids thought we were something else eating those sandwiches and drinking that beer! Then, we'd all take a nap. Yep, that Gram was one smart lady!

This is me sitting on Gram's couch back in the day with Pee-Podie. My mother presented me with this pillow, made by a cousin of mine and said "Pretty pillow." Somehow, I got "Pee-Podie" out of that. Pee-Podie is buried somewhere on the side of the road between Caney, Kansas and Bartlesville, Oklahoma. I got car sick and Pee-Podie took a direct hit. Momma said it had to go.

Gram had a copper canister of bacon drippings sitting on her stove at all times. Nearly every recipe of Gram's started with one spoonful of bacon drippings in one of her well-seasoned cast-iron skillets. It just made everything taste better.

Gram taught me how to make Fried Cabbage. Usually, that fried cabbage went with beans and cornbread and it was so good I can still remember how wonderful it tasted.

Gram would be appalled to know that I don't keep my bacon drippings in a canister on my stove. That's wasteful, she'd say. She would really hate the center-cut bacon I use, too. It doesn't render nearly enough drippings.

Every once in a while, I get a hankering for Fried Cabbage, so I make some. You can, too. It's as easy as pie...

Start out with four slices of bacon (center-cut) or 1 tablespoon of bacon drippings (if you're old-school like my Gram and you've got some hanging out on your stove). Cook the bacon until it's almost crisp. Then, remove the bacon from the pan. Pour off all but one tablespoon of drippings. Again, if you've got the can and you want to save the drippings, pour them into your collection.

Next, core a head of cabbage, slice it in half, and chop it into slivers. You can use a half to a full head of cabbage...whatever amount will feed your family. Next, dice an onion - one whole small onion or half of a medium or large onion.

Add the cabbage and onion to the pan with the bacon drippings. Cook the cabbage and onion until they are nicely wilted and a little brown. Be careful not to burn it! It should look something like this...

Now, salt and pepper it generously and add that crumbled cooked bacon back in. Gram's version didn't have bacon in it, but I like bacon quite a lot, and since it's a terrible waste to throw it away (and Gram never wasted anything if she could avoid it), I throw it in.

Enjoy Gram's Fried Cabbage. With or without a pot of beans and cornbread!

Where Has ClareMom Been?

I've been sick.

No. I mean, I've been really, really sick. Like, scary sick. Half of the people who read this blog see me at least weekly (if not daily) and can attest that I have not been myself.

It started in September with a sinus infection. I treated it with antibiotics. It never cleared up. It got worse. I became this lethargic, nauseous, sleepy, achy pile of bones. I've lost 20 pounds and even though I was one of those folks who could afford to lose a few, trust me when I say that this is no diet plan I'd recommend.

Now, before you go off trying to diagnose me and asking me if I have a tick-borne illness (no - they've checked) or if I am pregnant (definitely not! Dwayne would kill me), let me say that I have been seeing an internist and he is working on figuring out what is going on. The best we can tell, what I have is autoimmune, and I fear that it is Crohn's disease, which my mother battled most of her life. Knowing what it is will be half of the battle. The other half will be figuring out what causes it to flare...the most likely culprit being stress, which I've had boatloads of lately. But that's another discussion for another blog posting.

That should explain where ClareMom has been the past three months. Blogging about food? Forget it! The mere thought of food turned my stomach. I became a withering pile of humanity lying in my bed feeling sorry for myself and leaving all the parenting to my much better half. He rose to the occasion like a champ, even hovering over me with a concerned look on his face. I really did look as though I was a day or two away from pushing up daisies.

While I was lying there, cataloging all of the things I wasn't getting done at work and at home, and feeling upset that I couldn't run around like the marathon mother that I had formerly been, for the first time in a long time I had plenty of minutes to feel sorry for myself. When you've already buried one parent, mortality takes on a whole new meaning. I began calculating how much time I would have left if I were to die at the same age my mother was. Seventeen years. That's all I'd have left.

I realize how morbid, maudlin, and completely miserable this line of thinking must appear to you. But if I am to be completely honest, this is where my mind went when confronted with the fact that I wasn't just going to "bounce back." I had to face facts. I'm not a spry 25-year-old anymore. I'm getting old and my body isn't cooperating the way it used to.

And then, to make things worse, I calculated how old Jared and Jade would be would be if I were to die at 59. Respectively, they'd be 30 and 24. And my heart hurt remembering how lost and unhinged I felt when, at the age of 37, I lost my mother. There was so much we didn't talk about. So much I didn't know.

It's funny now to think about the things I wanted to ask her about. Who was going to tell me about menopause and what it's like? Who was going to give me tips on being a good grandma? Who was going to hold my hand when I went through my first health crisis? These were the things I was thinking about as they lowered my mother's body into the grave. I've always been that way...having some time with a beloved family member has never been enough. I always want more. I run after them, even though they're gone.

Everything within me screams out that my children won't ever know that feeling. I want to leave them with good, solid, truthful information. Lessons gleaned from a life well-lived. Lessons gained from picking myself up out of the dust of failure. Advice and counsel on what to do when you don't know what to do.

So, this year (and perhaps into 2013), I will be dedicating myself to writing advice to my children on this blog in addition to favorite recipes (when I get my appetite back). Perhaps it will help you and your children, too. Maybe you'll read it and decide that I am certifiable. I resemble that remark. Maybe you'll read it and decide you have a few things you want to say to your own children. Maybe you'll even write those things down.

What harm can it do?

At least you know you won't have to read about my experiences with menopause, (a) because I have not yet experienced it; and (b) because I am clueless about it (although I am looking forward to not having my "monthly bill" anymore).

Happy New Year to my family, friends, and faithful followers. God bless you in 2012.

One Cool Kid

One day last school year, Jared arrived home and promptly announced to both his father and I that he is not one of the "cool" kids. Last night, as we were working together on his homework, he said it again.

Why is it that my heart breaks when I hear this? Is it that I worry about my son feeling "less than" because he doesn't fit in?

Once upon a time, I was a middle-schooler like Jared. People who were cool at my school were preppy, Izod-wearing conformists; scary mohawk-wearing skateboarders; mammoth football-playing jocks; and knife-wielding hoodlums who smoked cigarettes at the bus stop.

I was a good girl who enjoyed reading and learning. I was not cool, either. And, I remember feeling really bad about it, like I ought to shake things up and show up to school dressed like Sandy did in the final scenes of "Grease," or bring a flask to school, or go out for the volleyball team. Except that if I did those things, it would be play-acting, because none of those things were really me. I would feel like an inauthentic idiot and somebody would notice me and single me out for torture.

I suspect that the "cool rules" have changed very little in 30 years. I don't want my son to be a conformist. I don't want him to be a non-conformist. I just want him to be who God created him to be and to be unapologetic about it.

I realize what this is. It's the human struggle to find a "pecking order." To put people into their places. What I realize now, that I didn't realize back in the day, is that the children learn this stuff at home, from their parents, who are living vicariously through their children...desperate to eke out their own place in society and willing to hitch a ride on the backs of their progeny. It's the reason we have homecoming queens, valedictorians, and big men on campus.

I don't really care if Jared is considered "cool" by his peers. He's very cool in my book. Jared is: (a) kind, (b) compassionate, (c) smart, (d) talented, (e) funny, (f) beautiful. I could go on for days.

I've decided that I'm going to text him each day something I think is cool about him.

Today's installment: "You say you aren't one of the 'cool' kids. I say you're very cool. Wanna know why? You love the OSU Cowboys, even when they don't win. I love you, son!"